A little extra love

One of my biggest concerns about having 5 kids (with two of them being newborns) was "How in the world am I going to be able to give everyone the love and attention they need?)  the past 6 weeks have shown me that my concern was not un-founded.  A common phrase in my prayers lately is "PLEASE help me help everyone feel loved a midst the chaos."  Last week I was feeling like just about all of my interactions with Jack were negative.  But then Wednesday came along and just 15 minutes before Jack got home from school I had a little prompting to cover our front door with "love-notes" for Jack.  I realized that the babies were fed, Marian and Lucy were occupied so I could actually pull it off.  It took me a total of five minutes to make it happen but the result has lasted for days.  Jack came in the door grinning ear to ear and gave me a huge hug!  A little extra love has gone a long way!  I am so grateful that my prayer was heard and answered!

The "heart attack" also gave me a good idea for our Family Home Evening activity last night.  Since Chad's birthday is today, I had the kids each tell me 3 somethings they loved about Chad and I wrote them down on a heart.  As I read each heart out loud, Chad had to guess whose heart it was.  Once he guessed it, that person got to tape the heart to Chad.  By the end, Chad was covered in hearts telling why he was loved, the kids were thrilled with activity. 

Marian was so cute and would make little excited noises every time I read one of her hearts so it was no mystery which hearts were hers!

How's that workin for you?

As a kid and even now, whenever my mom notices that I am bound and determined to do something a certain way no matter how hard I am making life for myself, she will patiently listen and then gently ask, "how's that workin for you?"  That little adage was wringing in my ears the other night as I was having a battle of wills with one of my children for the umpteenth time this week.  I have been bound and determined that my kids will accept the "you get what you get and you don't throw a fit" rule.  While it works ok with some of my kids... some of the time.  Lately there has been a certain child for whom that rule doesn't work at all!  There are daily...almost hourly battles about clothes, cup color, the amount of milk (if any) in the cereal, complaints about the way I draw a picture that I was asked to (aka ordered) to draw, frustration about the way their seat belt was buckled or the way I pronounce certain words...I could go on and on.   I have to add that this same child can bestow love and tenderness in a way that melts my heart and brings me such joy also on a daily basis.  But, the battles... the endless battles are fraying my nerves and making me batty.   Tonight as we were battling over which blanket to use for bedtime and I was determined not to yield  "you get what you get" and all that... I could just hear my mom's voice in my head saying, "Mary how's that workin for you?"  The answer...HORRIBLY!  I think the "pick your battles"  saying needs to replace "you get what you get blah blah blah" as my motto for parenting for a while.  Maybe I will limit battles to matters of safety and respect and this child can have pretty much whatever else they want. Sometimes you have to lose the battle in order to win the war.  

Pughs don't yell

Well, at least we are trying not to.  A few weeks ago I decided that there was way too much yelling

 (and screaming and exploding sounds) going on in our house and in a moment of desperation I whipped out this lovely little chart...

 

Everyone started out with 10 smiley faces. Anytime you yelled, one of your smiley faces got crossed off.  However many smiley faces were left at the end of the week (Sunday was going to be the day of reckoning), that's how many "special treats" you would get.  I thought it was pure genius.  Well it wasn't...at least not at first.  Within minutes Marian was down 3 smiley faces and by the end of the first day Jack was down 4.  Things did get better over the next few days but by Sunday afternoon  the totals looked like this:

Chad: 10 smiley faces  

He's not much of a yeller and let's be honest, he's not around enough to lose any smiley faces anyway

Mary: Just a few less than 10 smiley Faces

Jack:  ZERO smiley faces 

Marian: ZERO smiley faces 

 Blast!  It appeared that my experiment had not worked.  I had bought ingredients to make  

"Wicked Good Marshmallow Brownies"

But I told Chad that since the kids weren't going to get any I thought I should make graham cracker treats or something little like that instead.  "Oh No!" Chad said.  "Just make the brownies, don't say anything about it and then when they are done and the kids ask for them just say, sure...how many smiley faces do you have left."  I was a little hesitant thinking of all the drama that would ensue, but I also knew that Chad was right. So...I made the brownies.  Jack and Marian even helped.  

Then the brownies were done.

"Okay I'm ready for my brownies" -Jack

"I want some too" -Marian

"Sure!  Go check the smiley chart to see how many you get to have" -Me

LOOKS OF SHOCK and HORROR-Jack and Marian

There was MAJOR weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth as Chad ate his 10 smiley face proportion of "Wicked Good Marshmallow Brownies" and I washed down my 10ish smiley face proportion with milk.  Jack was beside himself with grief.  He kept saying he didn't think we were going to make brownies! He thought the treat was going to be cookies!!!! (apparently cookies would have been less awesome).  I tried to basically ignore the drama until Chad told me to go see what Jack was doing.  Expecting to see Jack devouring brownies out of the pan as fast as he could I was pleasantly surprised to find him creating this...

 

Translation: Pughs don't yell

Dad

Mom

Jack

Marian

All with 10 fresh smiley (some cyclops thrown in for good measure) faces!

So we went for round two!  In the car that night Chad asked the kids how many brownies they thought they could earn during the week

"10"-Jack

the optimist

"Probably 6 or 7"-Marian

the realist

I am happy to say that a week later we made brownies again and this time Marian and Jack actually got to eat them!  Sure they earned their brownies by the skin of their teeth but... there has been a noticeable reduction in yelling in the Pugh house and for that I am grateful!  Maybe I won't be deaf before 30 after all!